The subject of addiction sits at the core of my inner workings – which makes it a hard subject to resist. For this post, I’ll highlight addiction as anything that a false sense of “self” obsesses over; that which the false self determines to conquer or overcome. It could be anything; even the equivalent to Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Addiction manifests in many forms but I believe people”s propensity toward addiction is grounded in the illusion of a separate self – twisting uniquely in each person. There are no pat answers for overcoming addiction and the time table is God’s alone.
I see that some addictions fall off easily. I’ve overcome many bad habits; but I’ve battled others for years with elusive results. Some destructive patterns are overcome in this life and others are not. But this I know – every one of them is used by God to point to one true thing… faith. More specifically, God’s own faith that leads to awareness of union and utter dependency on Christ in me, as me. Perhaps the most stubborn weaknesses most effectively slay the delusional false self, converting my soul to the truth that Christ is my life and He’s using all things for His good.
The work of the cross, union life (the Gospel), alters the meaning of everything. Sin no longer separates me from God; it does not erect a wall or a barrier between us. When Christ tore down the separating curtain He forever changed my relationship to sin. In spiritual union with Him I find that addiction, bondage, weakness, sins of the flesh, or affliction of any kind takes on a whole new meaning. Now the cycle of addiction (whether overcome in this life time or not) is the opposition used to lead me into greater faith in Him. It leads to abandonment to union, to His life, His strength, and to an absolute trust in His sovereignty that undeniably gets me where I need to be when I need to be there. Some sins fall off quickly, others endure and cause the heartache which leads to greater faith.
Most agree, addictive behavior centers around self-focus. Disarm the addiction by refusing the self that clings to the addiction, the way the addiction makes it feel, or to the erroneous need to cure itself of said addiction. Refuse the self-focus and starve the addiction. The lust to self-improve fans the illusion of independence. A different posture can be taken. Stop thinking about it altogether. The thoughts that cause me to chase my tail have no power to mark a straight line. Instead of thinking about my situation I can watch and observe, and remain quiet by keeping all judgment far away from it. I give the fresh approach a chance to reveal its own value as I watch without judgment. I refuse to separate good and evil by trusting God to use evil for good.
I weave in and out of the conscious awareness of my union with Christ. I think we all do. Addiction is strengthened when I forget that there is no separate “me” that needs to fix, change, alter, or overcome my condition. This same “forgetfulness” also thinks there”s a “me” that can control “when” and “how” each addiction will fall away. Independent thinking plays the “personal responsibility” card to incite self-effort as the means to the cure. I try to keep paradox in mind – for if one side of this paradox is too heavily weighted it tilts toward separated thinking – until Christ tips the scale once again so that His impulse in me, as me, is discerned.
His impetus in me prompts the release of a lie which signals me to let it go. I do, because that’s who I am. There’s never a question as to whether or not I want to let go of sin. I am Christ in His “Susan Mucklow” form and I crave holiness and conformity to Him in every way. His movement is also what triggers new patterns in me that lead to freedom from slavery – bearing in mind that I do not control Him, He controls me. From an outsider’s perspective, my “trusting and waiting” on Him may look like disobedience; whereas my response to His movement may look like obedience. The truth is, He sees the whole package and is pleased.
Feeling trapped in an addiction has much to do with my belief about God. When I project too much sovereignty into my hands and rely to heavily on “my part” of this union then my determination to “rid myself” of the blot will either form or strengthen an addiction. And certainly, if I believe in any way that God is holding out on me then I will rush to “self-supply” which opens the gateway to excess, compulsion and addiction.
I believe that freedom from bondage (like repentance or anything else) is a gift from God. It is not something I manufacture on my own. Paradox is at play here, no doubt. “I” change my mind set (renew my mind, increase faith by hearing the word, etc) and I am the one who takes the new actions that lead to freedom…yet it is not “I” but “Christ” who lives in me. Life is lived by faith in Him – and that means that I wait for His awareness and action to unfold in me (at the risk of scrutiny by anyone who misunderstands my pause). If a victorious outcome is easy, hard, or not at all… it was He Who opened my eyes, caused the light to dawn, and enabled me to take the physical response that created true freedom.
Keeping the “paradoxical nature of truth” in mind keeps me on the same page… even if it seems like there are different translations at times! There is only one Holy Spirit, and He is saying the same thing from different angles. Remembering “paradox” keeps me humble and open, and protects me from the dogma that so easily divides. Thanks for receiving Christ as me… for keeping shame, judgment, or comparison far away from this subject… and for embracing contrast as the glorious teacher that it is!
Change and growth occur as I gracefully grow into changes that reflect who I am – even as who I am comes into focus. This ugly duckling becomes a swan in time. The fruit eventually bears the good nature of the seed. Developmental stages may look awkward, but in the end, Christ is reflected in me, as me.
