Trust – Page 2 – Windmills in Moonlight

All is Only Good

Post author:Susan
Post category:Liberty Obedience Trust
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For a long time I was afraid to explore my beliefs because I wasn’t sure how many of them were my own. My heart asked me to step outside of a box but I didn’t trust Christ as me enough to follow. I was scared to go alone and no one else seemed to have the same nagging questions as the ones my heart posed. How could they? Union with Christ forms an eternal monogamy and no one else can go to the inner chamber where Christ as me takes me. He forms a unique expression in me and that means we walk alone… together. Each person’s journey is an emergence into their true selves. For this reason, relationship with Christ is personal beyond degree.

Eventually, the familiar was denied stimulation and I was nudged away. With the distance came daring. I had to give myself permission to be potentially different from those I loved. Fear told me that if I were different I would no longer be liked. I would not fit in. It could be dangerous. What if God authored a different translation in me than He authored in those around me? What if my differences caused friction? What if I no longer fit the mold of who others perceived me to be? What would it cost me and what would it cost those who had relied on me? Fear used these taunting questions to keep me in a comfort zone…until faith removed the comfort and ushered me into the great unknown.

I’m here now, walking in the dark with the Holy Spirit. I “go silent” often. I release uncertainty, loneliness, and isolation often. I let go when I feel deprived of old identities, familiarities, and liberties…I let go often. But I am abandoned to the belief that I am His to orchestrate – His way, for His reasons. I don’t know why one has to leave the nest while others get to stay. But I know this…His love for me is the cause of His action. He has my best interest at heart. He does it for me, not against me. I have not been uprooted because of corruption but rather in-corruption. In trust of union I’m giving up the mistaken tones of distrust and despair – not only towards God, but toward myself and others. In Him all is only good.

Asking for Trust

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust
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Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33 (NKJV)

If the kingdom of God is within me then His righteousness is also found in me. I look inwardly and find the mystery divine – Christ in me, as me – and then I trust Him for the rightness of thought, purpose, and action in everything that follows. To trust Him is to proclaim no ability but His. Not too long ago, I thought to ask for wisdom (it served Solomon well) but instead my heart cried out for greater trust. With greater trust came a greater awareness of union. To trust God with increasing intensity is to dismiss the notion of separation altogether. If I trust God, then “I” am not a threat on any level. The “me” that I thought was my own roadblock is taken down by trust. This higher trust is destroying the illusion of a defective (yet somehow responsible) Susan.

Thoughts of independence and self-reliance (even those hidden in misused words like ”responsibility”) diminish trust. After all, if change depends on me then I have every reason to doubt. In truth, I cannot do anything until I”m abandoned to the truth that God is in full, total, and complete control. Unlimited trust becomes synonymous with union awareness. There is no separate “me” to depend on, trust in, or to expect something from; there”s no “me” to mess it up or get it right. I didn’t know it but when I pressed into the issues of trust I touched a life that was more real than ever before. Trust is the most authentic evidence of relationship. It is the fruit of union – the manifestation of His Person and Kingdom within. Each trusting step removes a little more old self-clutter from my view.

As I trust, my own opinions fall away. The release of mindsets can be painful but it always brings me a step closer to freedom. Trusting God as the all in all (trusting His authorship in all things) erases the old perceptions. The temporal is fading, but through union I am at home in His permanence. I am led to that which never changes within me – that which is already perfect, finished, and spotless. My requests meld in conformity to His will and they bring me to full agreement with all that He is in me.

Fear of the illusory self is gone when I trust God as my action. Introspection and analytic thinking fade. Hurt, anger, offense, insult, betrayal, loss, insecurity, and a myriad of other feelings are merely fear in disguise. The enemy distracts me with an offense to keep me from seeing the lack of trust therein. I lose the fear that forms the offense when I keep all things in God and accept all things as coming from His hand. Trust has become a bridge and it is closing the gap in my understanding. Truly, there is nothing to do, only something to see…and even that depends on Him. He who began the good work is faithful to complete it…

It’s Up to Him

Post author:Susan
Post category:Letting Go Trust
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I am here in New Mexico and that is enough. The rest remains in the hands of the One who generates real emotion and passion. I expect more from Him than what I know cannot come from me. I won’t limit my expectations in an effort to avoid disappointment. I shift my focus and cast off restraint when it comes to looking to God to do abundantly above and beyond all I could ask or think. It”s not up to me to make this “move” meaningful.

We moved on a desire and trust it to make room for a new revelation of Christ. Desire carves out space for Him to rush into. The act of desiring is the act of preparing and emptying out a new spot for Him to fill. Through desire I see my greater need. Desire seems to arise out of a need with the sole purpose of being able to receive Him as the true supply. A new desire becomes the next new place in me that He intends to flood.

A desire seems to call Him into my awareness. To recognize a desire and to see its fulfillment is to see a new manifestation of my union with Christ. Every true desire of my heart is Christ longing to be Himself in me. To sit with the desire (allowing it to blossom) is to make room for His expression in me, as me.

To take hold of the new means I must let go of the familiar. For every perceived loss there is an equal or greater gain. Fruit is born out of death; God makes a statement by taking loss and turning it to gain. He reveals Himself in the earth of my life through a seedling of desire and His image is reflected in the fruit that is born. He is my surrender…all the way to the point of true reflection. He supplies the energy and drive. I remain still in the midst of His motion.

Humility is taking Christ as identity and receiving all of heaven thereby. Desire is born of God; I know I cannot transform myself. At best, I can rearrange life and pretend its real change when it is not. I can alter external environment but only Christ can alter spiritual scenery. He opens my eyes to see the green and the lush as it springs forth.

Flowers are growing and lining the pathways of my life. I am like a cracked pot who drips water; I feel flawed – but I will see that every drop of water is creating a bright spot in the earth around me. Bearing fruit is not my strain or struggle. It is a natural occurrence for one who abides in the Vine. I see the fruit that is already born. The already ripened fruit is being shaken off and the “greater harvest” is up to Him…

Waiting on Supplies

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust
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Timing is everything…and often questioned. “What are you going to do” is usually linked to “when are you going to do it”. Waiting on the Lord can seem vague to onlookers. Now that “where” is clear (it seems I’m moving to New Mexico) the next concern is… when?! Well, I’m not sure! How frustrating for those who simply want to know what’s up! Why don’t you know? When will you know? What are you waiting on? I am waiting on the Lord – but that sounds undefined to most people. What am I waiting for? What’s the Lord going to do that will turn the red light to green?

Consider an analogy of military troops who are holed up or hunkered down behind a bunker. They’re still at war but they’re not advancing the front line. They’re not actively engaged in the battle – in fact, they are laying low on purpose. What are they waiting for? Why aren’t they marching on? If you were to radio in to find out why they are not moving forward you’d most likely learn that they are waiting on supplies. They’ve run out of ammunition and are waiting for more artillery.

Waiting on the Lord is not that different. Sometimes, we have to wait for supplies. Supply comes in many forms. It could be funding (escrow to close, etc) but the supplies we need may also be less tangible. We may be waiting for courage, compassion, humility, or confidence. We may be waiting for faith, grace, insight, or a paradigm shift in perception. We may be waiting for a change of heart or clarity of mind. Regardless, we are waiting on the Lord – we are waiting for “supplies” and when they arrive we can take up the arms and move on.

Lord, you are the support of all who are crushed, the lifter of all who are bent down. The eyes of all men are waiting for you; and you give them supply right on time. By the opening of your hand, every living thing has its desire in full measure. Psalms 145:14-16

It Seems Like…

Post author:Susan
Post category:Obedience Trust
Post comments:2 Comments

Well, it seems the house has finally sold. No matter how long it remained on the market or how many reductions were made to the asking price, in light of this economy it is still a miracle that it sold! What now? People ask and I instinctively feel compelled to produce an answer. At various junctures of this journey I’ve felt vague, even evasive. Truthfully, the intent has merely been to let go of the notion that I “know” what tomorrow holds and to acknowledge the Lord’s revealing of each next step. Even if it felt “last minute,” I wanted to nestle into His reasons and His outcomes.

The pressure to “know the future” comes from every angle – within and without. Friends and family naturally ask what I will do after this or that occurs. If questions are answered with uncertainty then some eyebrows raise – to intimate that I am either misguided or lack direction in life altogether. Has knowing the future somehow become a gauge of spiritual discernment? The suggestion that I should know where I’m going and what I’ll be doing seems to be the societal norm – but I are not omniscient. I am not “like God,” and letting go of the “need to know” that fosters the feeling of control is a liberating feeling for me, albeit frightening!

Seeing the ingrained need for control has been revelatory. Assuming I knew what tomorrow would hold was like a security blanket. Working the traditional job, owning a home, a car, and maintaining the pace of normal life kept the illusion well-fixed. When compelled to leave it all behind, I had no idea what the journey would look like. I thought the courage to follow a dream would produce a living similar to the one I was accustomed to. Instead, pretentious boasting about the future and conclusions about God’s objectives were systematically exposed.

The past year was opposite of expectations. Instead of allowing external events to nurture self-sufficiency, God authored external events to trigger internal events that would demolish self-sufficiency. The distress encountered was humbling, but He kept me close so that I was never too exhausted or too wearied by fear. I trusted God (if by a thread) in spite of circumstance. Even though on the outside it often looked like things were falling apart, on the inside, new understanding was taking shape. Not a day has gone by without His unfolding grace. There’s always more than meets the eye. The things I thought I wanted would have had temporary results; but the things I could not yet see or even think to hope for were the things that last forever.

I still don’t know what tomorrow holds. Ask me today what I will be doing tomorrow and I will say that it seems like I will be moving to New Mexico for a season. Mom and Dad owned a “little piece of heaven” in the Land of Enchantment before their passing and it may be a good place to nest for awhile. It seems right to me…but who knows, tomorrow a new plan could unfold. I will do what I know to do today, and remain open to the ever blowing winds of change. Living life in this manner feels vulnerable, defenseless. The flesh stresses but the spirit rejoices at the hope of even greater abandonment in Him.

Come now, you who say, today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a city and spend a year there and carry on our business and make money. Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air]. You ought instead to say, If the Lord is willing, we shall live and we shall do this or that [thing]. But as it is, you boast [falsely] in your presumption and your self-conceit. All such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16 AMP

Higher Trust

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust
Post comments:6 Comments

Agitating thoughts knock on the door to disturb my peace. If I leave my heart’s ease to answer their call then trust is abandoned for nervous reasoning over actions and outcomes. Fear cannot survive in the presence of God. When thoughts are plagued with worry and anxiety it is time to remember God.

God is developing in me an absence of anxiety over the acquisition or loss of things. If I am grappling to get it makes it impossible for me to respond to what God is trying to give. The world worries about taking care of itself but in trusting God, I enter a higher way. The higher revelation of trust is inextricably linked to my understanding of union with Christ. I am practicing trusting God by trusting who He is in me.

Balance

Post author:Susan
Post category:Letting Go Trust
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Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them— obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:5-6 (TMB)

When I start thinking it’s up to me to make something happen I get obsessed with measuring my own moral muscle. I am now repeatedly instructed to trust His action within me. Without a doubt, obsession with self in these matters has proven to be a dead end. I am learning to rest by letting go of the fixation of trying to figure out what’s going on and the compulsion to try to keep things in “balance.” Christ is balancing the scales of my life as I watch without judgment. There is an ease of movement found within grace and it is thereby that I am led into the wide open spaces of free living. I wait and expect his movement in me to be fully recognizable. I see Him even as He moves through others. Am I frustrated? Yes. Do I feel destroyed? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. But do I trust Him? YES! Yes, I do.

The Irresistible “Woo”

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust Union
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“Mountains crumble in the presence of those who know how to wait, watch, and then boldly walk through the passage that appears before them.” —Guy Finley

I don’t fully understand this place I’ve entered; but somehow, in spite of the darkness (or maybe because of it), I am comprehending what aids trust and am letting go of that which opposes it. God gets smaller in my eyes each time my attention shifts to “my part” in procuring change. Real change occurs – and when it comes it’s not optional; it is God who makes the demand for change, engineers the circumstances for change, and supplies the passion to make the change.

We can’t change our heart and the heart is where all true change occurs. We can feel desperate, but we can’t make our desperation real anymore than we can manufacture our own repentance. God is the author and finisher of our faith. We speak, pray, cry aloud, and groan too deeply for utterance but it is always in response to His groaning within us. His presence is irresistible; His beckoning is deafening; His urging irrefutable. He aches and we can’t help but ache in return.

He brought me to this place and insists I receive only what is good and right for me. The circumstances seem bitter but I know they bring better things to come. It tarries, and I wait. The seedling has the right to grow even when I barely see any change in its stature. Hope never fades and love never fails!

I keep anticipating certain outcomes and time frames. Through disappointment, I reach for the irresistible woo of God to trust that an opening will appear in this seemingly solid wall. Yes, I’m sure He’s not asking me to take a pick axe and force an opening! He’s asking me to wait; to watch and see as His providence turns a partition into a passageway. He is getting bigger in my eyes every time I resist the urge to eradicate my own problems.

I stay willing – instead of willful. I wait (even when it makes no sense) and as I wait God is mounting trust (like a steed) and riding triumphantly — establishing my heart in the fact that He is too big to need anything from me at all. In this personal relationship, I am the object of His affection. He is silencing the fear of loss by becoming the only thing that matters and that which can never be lost or taken from me. To God be the glory!

Undivided Trust

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust Union
Post comments:8 Comments

Forgiveness makes me feel better, regardless of the response. Forgiveness, like love and respect, is unconditional. I forgive because it is who I am; it has nothing to do with merit. Even trust is without contingence (although I was taught that trust is earned). I trust simply because I feel better when I do – determining that trust, like love, is a part of who I am. If my trust is abused, I trust on… remaining in agreement with my true being. The way I see it, everybody wins – I’m true to myself, and the trust I extend is more likely to draw out the best in others. It’s a matter of faith – I trust God with my heart therefore I’m not afraid to give it away.

To clarify, I unconditionally trust CHRIST. I trust Him in me and in you; my position is anchored to my view of union. Trust is easy when I view all things in Christ. If your words or actions cause me pain then heightened trust will find the good. I can trust Christ even if He is not overtly obvious. I believe in the divine spark or the measure of faith that’s been given to all men. I trust Christ as the all in all and trust Him to ignite the spark in others. I trust with Christ’s own trust and extract His presence from unusual places. This trust is linked to God. I trust God alone…therefore I trust everything else.

Undivided trust finds the good. Painful occurrences become vital catalysts for taking needed steps. I’m hindered only when I judge an action (judgment severs trust) and lose sight of Love”s bigger message. God intends to save me from the illusion of separation – even if it hurts. When Love speaks through hurtful situations He may be asking me to repent, or to get over myself; He may be asking me to love hilariously or to set a much needed boundary; or He may even be asking me to courageously walk away from an abusive relationship. In any event, I can trust without condition that what is occurring is exactly what is needed to purify this vessel.

Discernment is not nullified; however a suspicious mind is often dubbed “discernment” while fear and faithlessness go undetected. Trusting Christ remains the key. Even my world view changes with this kind of trust. I fear less knowing that nothing gets to me that doesn’t first pass through God. Everything works for the good. God gets bigger in my eyes and His generous outlook becomes my own. Worldly attempts at security or self-protection are put to rest as I nestle into the truth that God is in control. Life is simpler, I am happier, and freedom of movement is accompanied by peace and joy.

I’m enjoying the exploration and the journey. By the way, thanks, Claudia, for the term “undivided trust.” Not only have I pondered it regarding trusting God “no matter what” but it fits with what the Lord is speaking in me regarding relationships with others…

Love is God’s Action

Post author:Susan
Post category:Trust Union
Post comments:2 Comments

After my last blog, Amanda and I shared how the paradox of selfishness and selflessness impacts relationships. I am reminding myself that God is the Spirit that makes all things holy, the Energy that makes life tangible, and the Love that overcomes all obstacles. Apart from God, love is non-existent. There are many counterfeits, but authentic love emanates from God, through me, and toward you. If you are able to receive love through me, then that too is God’s love. His love is both the giving and the receiving of love. Love is God’s action on our behalf.

God loves unconditionally because love is Who He is, not something He has. He loves in response to Himself. His love is not based upon who I am or what I’ve done. He doesn’t love me because I’m loveable; He loves me because He is love.

Here’s the stretch… love is now the true nature of my being (in union with Christ). Therefore, I love because it is who I know myself to be. I love because it is right for me to love. To be true to myself is to love unconditionally because the fact of my loving is no longer based upon how you behave. I offer love with no strings attached. I am not looking for something from you in return for my love. I won’t love you more if you progress and I won’t love you less if you digress. In the true spirit of loving there is no perceived benefit to the lover. Love is given purely for the sake of the one who will receive that gift.

Obviously this is unearthly love…it comes from someone greater than myself. Apart from Him… nothing.