Being Ourselves

The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.  But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.  Romans 14:22-23 (NASB)

The faith which I have, I have as my own conviction before God. I am happy when I don’t condemn myself in what I approve.  How are convictions established before God? What brings condemnation? If doubt condemns me, it is because my action no longer proceeds from faith.  What causes actions to separate from faith?   The statement, ‘whatever is not from faith is sin,’ is both broad and narrow.  It takes everything and condenses it to one thing – faith.

Faith includes personal convictions before God.  It is in His presence that the certainty of His word is established within my heart. With an awareness of His indwelling presence, the sound and tone of His word is individualized and takes on the formation of personal convictions.  Faith takes shape as He becomes my guide and compass.  Permission is granted or denied as I learn the sound of His speaking voice within the pages of His written word.  I fall in love with the word, not as a book, but as a Person. Convictions are established in fellowship with Him as He reveals the character of His word.

Living happily (without condemnation) and confidently (in my own convictions) rests in relationship with God.  His presence reveals His word in such a way that my trust capacity is expanded.  Belief turns to conviction and conviction turns to unshakeable faith.  I learn to walk in the light that I have attained, without lagging behind or walking ahead.  My conscience becomes His candle and He uses it to illuminate my path.  The permissions and restrictions of others begin to have less effect on me. I live by the standard to which I have attained and allow others that same freedom.

Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained.  Philippians 3:15-16 (NASB)

If I walk outside of my own convictions then I undergo doubt.  If I take an action without full persuasion or permission, then I will experience a backlash of condemnation.  Not because the action was right or wrong, but because it did not proceed from faith.  Relationship with God is a relationship with faith; faith increases as I distinguish His discernible voice in me.  Faith brings freedom of movement; my gait glides along expansively as faith shines light further down my pathway.

As faith expands, I find that all things are lawful, and yet they may not promote my best interest or the best interest of others.  Loving others is more important than exercising personal liberties.  Therefore, I learn the wisdom of keeping certain freedoms private; my liberty may expand, but it is not intended to constrict another.

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.  Romans 14:13-14 (NASB)

Other people’s freedom does not need to mirror mine.  The carnal flesh craves that kind of conformity because it has a false need for validation, but the spirit does not.  The spirit trusts that relationship with the Lord will train each believer in their own matters of conscience.  I can become an obstacle if I judge the conscience of another or disclose unnecessary knowledge about my own.  Knowledge of my convictions may goad another to mimic my freedom, acting against their own conscience, and vice-versa.  It is enough for each person to walk in their own light by faith.  I don’t want to judge the light level of another or make unkind comparisons in order to gauge whose light bulb is using more faith-watts!

Likewise, people may unwittingly try to lead me along their path – but it is my faith that I live by, not theirs.  If I try to walk their path then doubt will gain mass.  Questions will dizzy my head.  The questions will breed confusion and the confusion will paralyze mobility.  Instead of proceeding in the spirit, I will recede into the flesh.  Questions multiplied by the flesh will remain in play until I am returned to His voice in me rather than inadvertently relying upon His voice in another.  The Lord eliminates every question but His own– which is the only question He asks me to answer.

Condemnation is a by-product of doubt and doubt occurs in the absence of personal conviction.  Personal convictions are forged in the redeeming fires of intimacy.  We are drawn to Him like a moth to a flame.  It is only the flesh that fears His closeness; the spirit welcomes His imprint like the seal of the King’s ring in hot wax.

The spirit does not fear the flame that heats the wax.  It welcomes the signet of the King’s ring as an imprint of His likeness. The King’s ring bears a symbol that authenticates His ownership and the surety of His word, and that becomes the guarantee of a future promise.  And so I draw near in the absence of fear.  I allow Him to fire up His word, to forge personal convictions, and to be the One who makes both you and I stand firm in Christ.

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  2 Corinthians 1:21-22 (NIV)

The more I recognize myself in union with Christ the more comfortable I am with myself.  I tap His expression in me and it incites me to be who I am. When identity is at rest, then personal boundaries emerge to safeguard false identifications with other people, causes, or roles. Definition comes to the foreground as the branch draws life from the Vine.

People perish for lack of vision. Vision is more than a goal to lose weight, run a marathon, write a book, or to organize clutter. Vision is about seeing who I am. As His image in me takes shape I find a worthy reason to be myself.  Apart from that vision, there is nothing worth fighting for.  With the vision comes the desire to carve out the space for incubating clearer vision.  It is the vision that calls for the boundaries.

A boundary is not meant to limit size or space; it actually creates the necessary space for developing my privacy in Christ. Privacy with Him expands my capacity for others. He transforms self-focus into generosity.  Setting the boundary is a generous step.  It clears the path so the transformation can be authentic (uncontrived, unfeigned).  He makes Himself clear in me so that what He has to say can set my standards.  When it comes to His will for my life He makes it known to me first.  This establishes my confidence in His voice above all others.

In general, a lack of personal boundaries clouds personal clarity.  To find, apply, and respect my own boundaries is healthy love and self-respect which precedes healthy love and respect for others. A boundary keeps me from crossing the line when condemnation and judgment join allegiance. It keeps me ‘on my side’ by creating the space for continual recognition of Christ in me, as me.

In 2004 the Lord spoke to me of boundaries and said, “Susan, where there are no boundaries there will eventually be barriers.  Boundaries support relationships, barriers do not.  Barriers are walls that separate; boundaries are simply lines that denote restriction; barriers divide, boundaries protect; barriers offend, boundaries command respect.”

Years later, I have an even greater appreciation!  Experience is a great teacher.  I love the learning process and the natural form that faith takes as lessons are inherently implemented in my daily walk.  Life holds joy when I move in accordance with His word and will in me, showing honor to myself and others thereby.  I am who I really am as I rest easy in who He is in me. I live trusting the ‘us’ that He is forming.  His unique perspective in and through me is what makes me who I am.

I ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for Christians, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him — endless energy, boundless strength! Ephesians 1:17-19 (TMB)

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Romans 12:10 NIV

Psalm 149:9 tells us that the Lord is the honor of all His saints.  Therefore, we honor Him as we honor one another.  Both love and honor are born in the heart.  As my heart yields to honor, the words of my mouth echo the love in my heart.

Other directives linked to the phrase ‘one another’ include:  love one another, prefer one another, receive one another, serve one another, forbear one another, teach one another, forgive one another, comfort one another, edify one another, exhort one another, consider one another, and admonish one another.

We are directed NOT to: judge one another, provoke one another, envy one another, devour one another, betray one another, or hate one another.  The term ‘one another’ levels the field to safeguard saints against self importance.  We honor people, gifts, positions, commissions, callings, and appointments – and those appointed are subject to the equalizing effects of the ‘one another’ scriptures to which we all subscribe.

1 Peter 1:22 talks about having unfeigned love for the brethren and Ephesians 4:15 asks me to speak the truth in love.  The Holy Spirit connected these verses to show me that until the love in my heart is unfeigned the truth spoken is as offensive as clanging brass – doing more harm than good, more dishonor than honor. If the intent is not pure then the noticeable absence of love becomes a stumbling block.  The reproof of truth will cut, not cure.  One word of correction from a heart filled with love is sweeter than all the world’s flattery.  Truth spoken in love prepares a heart for repentance.  Kindness is the tone of honor that coaxes a greater expression of Christ from each of us.

I want to live agreeable with who I am.  If Christ is my life then love is my highest form of self expression. I don’t want to bring correction to others because I think it’s what they need.  I want to speak truth because ‘love’ is who I am – with no expectation or demand for any particular reaction, response, or adjustment.   I simply want to be myself – submitted and subdued by love – and wholesome enough to leave the results up to Him.  I want to speak truth from an empathetic source that genuinely hurts when another hurts…not because the hurting human is offensive or inconvenient.

The Lord never leaves nor forsakes.  The flesh is present with its sin, rebellion, and carelessness yet it does not cause the Lord break fellowship with me.  Grace abounds and mercy triumphs.  Goodness is lavished and love continues to take the initiative toward me – the object of His affection. As I practice this same generosity it becomes impossible to withhold forgiveness from another.  Others need the same freedom that I need – that we might all attain full stature (Ephesians 4:13).  Every person is fighting a great battle.  Kindness is precious.

It is easy to show honor when I commit others into God’s care. It is easy to honor others when I realize God is in control. It is easy to show honor when I trust Christ in you.  It is easy to show honor when I look past the flesh.  It is easy to show honor when I believe we are equal and one in Christ.

Honor is revealed by the level of trust I extend toward you.  Honor breeds safety and fosters acceptance toward one another.  Honor opens the eyes to view the true ‘Christ heart’ of others.  Dishonor proceeds from the flesh and sees only flesh…missing the true view of who we are.   To show dishonor is to miss Christ – the one, only, and every reason we have to honor all men.  If I treat others as the representation of Christ even before they find Him or can see Him in themselves, then their discovery of Him is helped, not hindered.

Honor is armor and it disarms the enemy.  Dishonor is a form of unbelief.  The way I behave toward others will reveal my faith in union.  Do I believe that you are as Christ to me?  In looking at the flesh I refuse to see Him.  In so doing I dishonor myself, you, and the finished work of the cross…all because of unbelief.  Imperfect vessels are the habitation of His choosing and the place where His honor dwells! Honoring one another in the midst of frail human form is faith in action.

People are very different from one another. It’s less painful to believe that we accept (even appreciate) differences than it is to notice the subtle nuances of our intolerance. It’s common to draw a comparison to portray a distinctiveness in ourselves. If too critical, we may temper the comparison by insisting there’s nothing wrong with our differences, and yet the closing comment will usually rest with our gratefulness for being who we are…by comparison. Judgment hides itself well in the soft light of comparison.

Some judgments seem less poisonous than others. For instance, we could compare differences in dishwashing styles. One may like to pre-rinse the dishes so they don’t dirty the water. Another may merely scrape remnants into the trash, put the dishes in the water, and ignore tiny floaters that may swish by. While noticing the different styles, the first one might say, “I’m not telling you how to wash dishes, I just do it differently. I like to wash dishes in clean water instead of dirty water.” The last line is where judgment is hiding behind comparison. There is a little dig hidden therein; it is so easy for simple comparison to into full-blown judgment.

A remark like that seems innocuous; but when judgment is masked behind comparison, “acceptance talk” doesn’t make it less venomous. Truthfully, we often think our way is better. If we’re honest about how we feel another might improve his or her life, it often translates to becoming more like us. “They have a certain weakness, I do not. If they would do what I do they wouldn’t have that weakness. They’d be better…because they’d be more like me.” It isn’t always a conscious thought, but when translated, it is often the underlying sentiment.

Comparing ourselves with others is a conflict of distinction. A conflict of distinction is a rejection of uniqueness. Are we afraid to be different and distinct? Can we allow others to be different and retain their equality with us?

With uniqueness comes daring. We can liberate ourselves and others by choosing words that offer genuine applause for our differences. To do so is to respect God’s diversity. Fear tells us we won’t be liked if we’re different or we won’t fit in; we may be rejected or shunned. What if God has authored a different translation in us from those around us? That thought is frightening but we need not worry for we are safe in God; the sound we make is His to orchestrate – His way, for His reasons.

The subtle insistence upon outer conformity is the enemy of true unity. We take comfort when the thinking pattern of another closely resembles our own. If we’ve deviated 20 degrees from the “norm” of Christian perspective, we accept others who’ve done the same. When we collide with those traveling 50 degrees “off the beaten path” then the difference feels extreme.  Fear has the capability of keeping us closed-minded and unwilling to see the gospel from a point of view that is unfamiliar – even when it has scriptural verity.  We feel more comfortable with those who are most like ourselves – and it is this unnamed insistence on outer conformity that hinders the grace-filled work of true unity and minimizes our view of God.

I used to wonder why God tore down the Tower of Babel. Their unity was enabling them to build a tower to reach the heavens. Unity is good, right? Yet He confounded the languages – making communication difficult and unification next to impossible. Perhaps it was a safeguard against the flesh and its attempt to emulate the spirit.

True unity is born of the Spirit and the flesh can’t touch it. Outer conformity is “counterfeit unity” manufactured by the flesh. Judgment is the tool most used to coerce conformity. Comparison is fleshly and divisive – born of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. True appreciation of differences is spiritual and unifying – born of the Tree of Life – where all is only good.

There can be no safe comparison without clear qualifiers. I may say, “I am one way and you are another.” To qualify the statement is to ensure the understanding that I perceive the differences as being God-ordained, God-designed, God-intended, God-valued, and God-be-glorified! We can only truly appreciate who we are when we are not depreciating anyone else. Drawing a comparison is tricky business. We must use caution, tread softly, and honor Christ by trusting that He IS the difference we see in one another!