Lay it Down
When beliefs are tested the ground can seem unstable. I trust these places with the Lord now, whether or not I fully comprehend the new landscape. Sometimes, He removes 'go betweens' and, instead, positions me in His direct line of communication. When He does, I know He is asking me to find my own answers apart from other voices. I am free to name the prescribed beliefs that I have trouble swallowing. As I describe my symptoms to the Lord I am trusting His diagnosis. Contradictions, disagreements, and interpretive differences are not symptomatic of a fatal flaw or spiritual disease. They may simply be a call for inner exploration. He can form insights that are mine to contain and communicate as Christ in me. Subject matter and delivery styles may differ between us and another, but the validity of nuances will bear His seal. It is important that I learn to trust Him as He is in me regardless of if how He is in me is received by others. The perspective He is solidifying belongs to Him - not to me or to another. It was here before I was born and will be here after I'm gone. The message He ascribes in me is for me first before it is for others. In Luke 22:32 Jesus told Peter, "When you are converted, then strengthen your brethren." This has been a lonely season, but my loneliness belongs to Him first, before any other. He maintains His right to comfort me. I am being with Him as He desires at this time so that, ultimately, it may benefit others. I press the dark for all that He has for me and resist the craving for external agreements. I am offering Him everything I think about Him, the scope of His redemptive work, and relationship with Him. It is an offering that only He can guard and keep. His intent for me to live from His personal word to me is intense (1 Kings 13). I've thought of Paul and how difficult it would be to do what he did. Paul said he did not receive the gospel that he preached from man nor was he taught it by a man. He received it by revelation of Jesus Christ (Galatians 1:11,12). Upon his conversion he did not confer with flesh and blood. He was privately tutored by the Lord for three years before meeting with Peter for fifteen days (Galatians 1:16-24). After that, he preached his revelation of grace for another fourteen years before coming back to Jerusalem at which time he brought correction to certain apostles who were sliding back under the Law. When they perceived the grace that he was given, they gave him the right hand of fellowship (Galatians 2). Now that's trusting the Lord with your education! It feels like a battle to trust the Lord with my education. Beliefs are easily dispensed in neat little boxes. Doctrine can feel like a judge that makes me afraid…