Yearly Archives: 2010

Trusting Enough

If I say that I trust God enough to let Him do the work in me, then the challenge is to trust Him enough to not try to do it in a way that acts as though Christ is not present within me.  This is a vigilant posture; everything in the flesh or ego wants to tackle the job from an independent stance – self wants credit for the changes that occur.  Religious jargon provokes vain attempts to try to conquer my own foe. The flesh lusts for the power and glory that belong to God.

A question I ask myself is whether or not I will receive God’s love despite the weaknesses of the flesh.  Can I remain in peace and rest in the face of frailty?  If nothing can separate me from His love then doesn’t that include the offensiveness of the flesh?  Will I love others and myself with His love and resist the demand that we first fix our flesh or ego?

The flesh is an attention-seeker with an endless campaign to enlist self-effort.  It wants to earn love by seeming victorious. It is silenced as I recall that it is God (quietly at work in me) who treads down my enemy.  It is the pride of the flesh that the Lord despises…not my weaknesses. Can I remain still even when it seems like God isn’t on the job?  Can I trust Him even if it seems He is neglecting His promise? Can I love myself even when it seems like flesh is winning and making a mockery out of my trust?

To trust Him is also to accept my feelings of nakedness…allowing His Spirit to clothe me while Christ is growing up in me. Christ in me is my only hope of glory.  He was the model of new creation living.  His union with the Father was a revelation of God’s original blueprint. God always intended to inhabit humanity – to flow through us in seamless unity just as He did in Christ.  Jesus gave substance and tangibility to God’s plan when He took sin and separation with Him into death, burial, and resurrection. God is able to delight in me in the here and now because His righteousness is upon me in Christ.

Jesus operated from union with God in full measure. His being and doing were fully eclipsed and yet even He grew into Himself.  There was a moment in which He realized He was born of a different Father than that of His peers. His life was drawn from a different Source.  Once He saw His Father He did what He saw His Father doing. The mystifying plan to re-birth humanity was set in motion.  A new breed was seeded, and Jesus was the first born among many brethren.

Jesus walked in unpolluted union with God.  He was not born of Adam, thus He never knew the seed of separation. He was capable of sin, yet without sin.  He had only One Father. He was not adopted, grafted in, born again, rebirthed, or redeemed. He was always born from above and yet even Jesus (Son of God, God with us, God in the flesh, or God as His own sacrificial Lamb) deferred goodness, glory, and honor to the Father.  This helps me to understand that even though He was one with His Father, He did not claim to be the Father. Humility and reverence was exampled; He kept pride in check – never to boast equality with God.  His revelation of oneness with His Father never weakened the mystery of the Holy Trinity – in which I also now live, move, and have my being.

I walk in the light as He is in the light.  I am perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.  I experience light and perfection in the same way as God…but not in the same measure. Union infers the ability to draw upon the strength of another and to become like the other – when I see Him I shall be like Him – but being in likeness to Him is not the same as being His equal.  He remains the Vine from which the branch draws life.  I am nourished and bear the fruit of the Vine, but I remain the branch and He remains the life-giving Vine.

Trusting Him enough to ‘let Him do it’ means that Christ (in me, living as me) eventually does ‘it’ whatever ‘it’ may be.  In that moment it may seem that I am the one doing the work because union can cause one to look like the other. But I can’t make it happen or even increase my own revelation of union any more than I can tame the ego or turn enemies into footstools.  What is done is done in union.  He is the power behind the action. My life in this flesh is lived by faith in His life in me.  I do only what I know to do in each given moment.  I do as I am bidden.  I come to the inner sanctum and am ravished by His love…and even that is in response to His draw.

“The Christian often tries to forget his weakness: God wants us to remember it, to feel it deeply. The Christian wants to conquer his weakness and to be freed from it: God wants us to rest and even rejoice in it. The Christian mourns over his weakness: Christ teaches His servant to say, “I take pleasure in infirmities; most gladly will I glory in my infirmities.” The Christian thinks his weakness his greatest hindrance in the life and service of God: God tells us that it is the secret of strength and success. It is our weakness, heartily accepted and continually realized, that gives us our claim and access to the strength of Him who has said, “My strength is made perfect in weakness.””

Andrew Murray

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No Judgment

nullJudgment can be a ravenous wolf or subtle like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  It finds its way into the fold any way it can and even whispers through the veil of many prayers.  Variations of the ‘thank God I’m not like other people’ prayer abound. I want to see the truth that when I judge another, I judge myself.  It is a two-edged sword and I cannot have one without the other.

When I draw conclusions about you, I pronounce judgment and execute a sentence upon myself to perform in opposition of that which I have judged. It can be as simple as saying, “You are messy”, and in that moment a demand is put upon myself to “be tidy”.  The judgment places a rule upon myself and bondage is its fruit.  With every judgment comes a sentence and with every sentence comes imprisonment. Inevitably, I find myself living within the confines of trying not to be like you even though I inherently know that, in actuality, I am just like you.  Living becomes a performance impossible to sustain.  I will fail, and in so doing I will be found guilty of that which I judged.

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Organically Choosing Life

I looked in a concordance and found that the word choose (in Hebrew) means: to take a close look at something to determine my preference in the matter. It holds the connotation of testing or examining.  The root origin is related to tilling, turning over, or preparing the ground. The idea is that, through examination, I am able to distinguish the best or most useful options in my life.

I believe making a choice is more organic than commonly assumed.  Organically speaking, I grow into choices that reflect who I am even as who I am comes into focus. An ugly duckling of a choice becomes a swan in time.  True choosing is a process and like any process it is perfected over time.  The fruit born proves the good nature of the seed that was planted. There are stages in its development when it will look awkward, but in the end, it is a reflection of Christ in me, as me.

As I am asked to ‘choose life’ I am asked to take a keen look, to test and examine life, to till its ground…until I am able to recognize life as my most valuable option. I choose through recognition.

If I liken choice to preference then self-awareness plays a key role in making choices that fit. To know myself is to know my preferences. It is a matter of identity – a key element of the gospel.  My inability to choose God was solved when God chose me. Fallen humanity had a fallen nature – filled with fallen choices. God solved this conundrum by crucifying fallen humanity in Christ, joining us to Himself, making a brand new creation where the two have become one.

The goal of the gospel is to reveal God’s view.  God sees me in union with Christ. Words like fallen, cursed, or sin-natured are false images in the context of a new creation. I am not depraved, hard-hearted, sinful, disobedient, unwilling, unteachable, unsubmitted, or rebellious. These words simply do not define a new creature.

I share in Christ’s divine nature; His nature is infusing my own and my choices are affected by that truth. Redemption is a reality but it is hard to manifest when the ‘good news’ I continue to hear is far less than good! Many voices would tie me to a corrupt nature, even though the Gospel is radically good news that claims otherwise.  More good news still, God uses all things for the good of those who love Him.  I don’t need to be preoccupied with darkness or light; God uses them both for His purpose.

To believe Him and to trust His work is to remember all He did to fashion this new creation.  Remembering who I am in each moment is the work that automatically aligns choice with true preference. I choose according to who I perceive myself to be. Who I perceive myself to be is changing everyday. Choosing is a simple matter of self-recognition. To see myself in union with Christ is to see the on-going purification of my choices.

To take the focus away from choice is to return the focus to the goal of seeing myself as God sees me – in Christ.  Choices that reflect who I am today generate more natural movements. It is no longer about good, bad, smart, stupid, right, or wrong choices.  It is about being still, tilling the ground, seeing who I am, and remembering whose I am so that I can recognize life as my most valuable option.  Choosing is a form of mind-renewal and every choice serves to remind me of who I am.

Recognition reflects being while choosing reflects doing.  I focus on the being, not the doing. If a spider is likened to my identity, then its web is like a myriad of choices. As I define the spider, the subsequent choices are not a problem. I am affirming oneness, ending duality, and choosing daily…but the act of choosing is never more important than the process of becoming self-aware. I am assured that change comes faster to those who see who they are than it does to those who try to do what they should.  When my focus is on being then choosing occurs without thinking.

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Expansive Boundaries

The more I recognize myself in union with Christ the more comfortable I am with myself.  I tap His expression in me and it incites me to be who I am. When identity is at rest, then personal boundaries emerge to safeguard false identifications with other people, causes, or roles. Definition comes to the foreground as the branch draws life from the Vine.

People perish for lack of vision. Vision is more than a goal to lose weight, run a marathon, write a book, or to organize clutter. Vision is about seeing who I am. As His image in me takes shape I find a worthy reason to be myself.  Apart from that vision, there is nothing worth fighting for.  With the vision comes the desire to carve out the space for incubating clearer vision.  It is the vision that calls for the boundaries.

A boundary is not meant to limit size or space; it actually creates the necessary space for developing my privacy in Christ. Privacy with Him expands my capacity for others. He transforms self-focus into generosity.  Setting the boundary is a generous step.  It clears the path so the transformation can be authentic (uncontrived, unfeigned).  He makes Himself clear in me so that what He has to say can set my standards.  When it comes to His will for my life He makes it known to me first.  This establishes my confidence in His voice above all others.

In general, a lack of personal boundaries clouds personal clarity.  To find, apply, and respect my own boundaries is healthy love and self-respect which precedes healthy love and respect for others. A boundary keeps me from crossing the line when condemnation and judgment join allegiance. It keeps me ‘on my side’ by creating the space for continual recognition of Christ in me, as me.

In 2004 the Lord spoke to me of boundaries and said, “Susan, where there are no boundaries there will eventually be barriers.  Boundaries support relationships, barriers do not.  Barriers are walls that separate; boundaries are simply lines that denote restriction; barriers divide, boundaries protect; barriers offend, boundaries command respect.”

Years later, I have an even greater appreciation!  Experience is a great teacher.  I love the learning process and the natural form that faith takes as lessons are inherently implemented in my daily walk.  Life holds joy when I move in accordance with His word and will in me, showing honor to myself and others thereby.  I am who I really am as I rest easy in who He is in me. I live trusting the ‘us’ that He is forming.  His unique perspective in and through me is what makes me who I am.

I ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for Christians, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him — endless energy, boundless strength! Ephesians 1:17-19 (TMB)

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Receiving Help

Where there is unbelief, there is no rest. Unbelief keeps me working in the hope that one day I will accomplish enough to be worthy of rest.  But rest is not the result of work, it is the result of faith.

Rest occurs when I trust that all the work is already done even though I wasn’t the one to do it.  My external behavior will always reflect my inner posture.  Am I struggling? Am I able to rest in the quality of the work done by someone else?  How often do I feel the need to follow up behind them to make sure the job was done according to my standard?  True rest comes to me when I do not think of myself more highly than I ought!

I am not the only one who can do a job right; and just because it was done differently than I would have done it, does not mean it was done wrong!  Arrogance won’t let me experience the rest that could come to me in the form of another person.  When I can let someone else do the work for me then I am entering the beginning stages of rest.  Peace occurs when I don’t heed the false need to improve upon the work they did.

It is important to receive a gift (or help) for what and how it is.  Help is not necessarily what I thought I needed, wanted or even asked for.  Like any gift, help is often given at the whim of the giver. To receive the nakedness of the gift that was given means I won’t try to exchange if for something else.  Only when a gift is fully received can it be fully revealed and thus appreciated.

God gives the gift of people.  Appreciation opens the gift, and its meaning and purpose is then cultivated over time. People are fragile (yet flexible) gifts and God intends careful handling.  His are good and perfect gifts to be engaged lovingly and respectfully at all times. As I look with wonderment at the differences between God’s gifts (people), I gain appreciation for His discernment of which gifts most compliment my being.

His gifts aren’t always an obvious pairing.  The seeming mismatch may be difficult to appreciate, but the unique perspectives are not without reason.   There is much to glean from each other’s point of reference.  We need not rush toward the agreement that may come later.  I am encouraged to enjoy the differences instead of trying to coerce conformity.

Spiritually speaking, there is no real work left to be done.  The only thing left is the rest.  There is a strong contrast between rest and work, love and law, desire and obligation.  Obligation feels hard, like work.  Desire feels easy, like rest.  I am meant to live in the ease of being myself and living in restful agreement with who I am.  From the place of true desire I can accomplish many things.  I may look busy but I live rested.

Rest is the satisfaction that comes at the end of a day well spent (not well earned).  To spend a good day is to draw generously from the bounty of eternal days within me.  I spend them freely because of my sense of abundance and belonging. Trying to earn a sense of satisfaction holds the limitations of a false sense of self and separation. Self-made good days come few and far between.

A day filled with true rest and peace is drawn from the awareness of inner faith; that place within me that knows that the Father has made all things well within me and that there is nothing in me that is not already making a full return to Him.  This is rest and peace; this is the atmosphere of grace that allows me to grow unhindered by the resistance of judgment and criticism.  I am finished.

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Grace-filled Seasons

Why does it seem that religion does not foster the same gracious embrace of spiritual seasons as is extended toward natural ones?  Every part of my life (spiritual growth, marriage, ministry, finance, social outreach, etc) undergoes the changing of the seasons – winter, spring, summer, and autumn are facts of life on every level.  Some years have more drought or pestilence than others – but I cannot make it rain or stop the locusts.  I can however, trust God in it all.

Winter is cold and uncomfortable by nature. It’s a fact – but I don’t turn on myself or question my heart just because it’s snowing outside!  I allow it to be what it is – a time of physical rest.  I rely on the food I gathered from a previous harvest without complaining that the ground is now frozen. I might sit by a fire and consider past mistakes, but I will also allow the hibernation of the season to repair the damage and to prepare me for the rigors of what the upcoming springtime will demand.

Spring is an active time of implementing the quiet insight and instruction I gained in the winter.  It requires spiritual and physical energy – for it is time to plow the ground that is newly thawed.  The ground may be fallow and in need of great fertilization before I can even plant my first seed…but it’s okay because it is spring and my energy is renewed!  I don’t feel daunted by the task in the way that I would if I were trying to “force myself” to do in winter what was intended for me to do in spring!

If winter is cold by nature then summer is hot! It requires frequent watering and weeding of the freshly planted crop.  The crop is in danger from the heat of the day and I protect it with my focused attention. Summer requires a lot of mental vigilance but it is also when I catch the first glimpse of the fruit of my labor. The seed sprouts and gives me hope.

Autumn is harvest time! I reap the reward of spring and summer.  I give thanks, eat the fruit, and store up for the winter that is surely coming again.

Allowing the seasons (both natural and spiritual) to be what they are is graceful.  God initiated the seasons and only He knows how long each one will last.  He isn’t asking me to live in perpetual spring.  He’s okay with winter, and drought, and flood, and locust, and the beauty of spring and summer and the changing colors of the fall.

If I don’t allow myself the experience of my own seasons then the whole cycle of my being goes off kilter.  I become susceptible to legalism and performance pressure as I try to “perform” outside of the season I am in. I may even misconstrue what I believe I hear God saying to me because of ingrained ideologies that suggest I should always be in “spring” mode.

Seasons are not criminal.   He leads me into the dark and lonely place just as surely as He leads me into the light.  There is a time for every season under the sun.  I won’t make “Christian promises” that I cannot keep.  He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me…but He never said I would never feel lonely or abandoned.  If He wields His sovereignty to wean me from the masses, it will feel incredibly lonesome.  The flesh remains fearful and in this dimension I remain in the flesh.  I will experience its tremors…but that’s okay.  Spirit triumphs and life always conquers death.  I will not remain in any tomb for too long.  The stone rolls away and resurrection occurs…again and again and again.

My beloved spoke, and said to me:
“Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away! O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”

Song of Songs 2:10-14 (NKJV)

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Resurrection Day!

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Resurrection Day to all my beloved.  I miss our traditional sunrise service and Easter breakfast.  I am happy that Michele and Eric are hosting their own; my heart aches to be there.  I will wake up early, go out on my deck, watch the sunrise, and celebrate my Lord’s resurrection and ascension!  I am with you in spirit!

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.  ~Robert Flatt

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.  ~Clarence W. Hall

And he departed from our sight that we might return to our heart, and there find Him.  For He departed, and behold, He is here. ~St Augustine

Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song. ~Pope John Paul II

Every character has an inward spring; let Christ be that spring. Every action has a keynote; let Christ be that note, to which your whole life is attuned. ~Henry Drummond

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One Another

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves.  Romans 12:10 NIV

Psalm 149:9 tells us that the Lord is the honor of all His saints.  Therefore, we honor Him as we honor one another.  Both love and honor are born in the heart.  As my heart yields to honor, the words of my mouth echo the love in my heart.

Other directives linked to the phrase ‘one another’ include:  love one another, prefer one another, receive one another, serve one another, forbear one another, teach one another, forgive one another, comfort one another, edify one another, exhort one another, consider one another, and admonish one another.

We are directed NOT to: judge one another, provoke one another, envy one another, devour one another, betray one another, or hate one another.  The term ‘one another’ levels the field to safeguard saints against self importance.  We honor people, gifts, positions, commissions, callings, and appointments – and those appointed are subject to the equalizing effects of the ‘one another’ scriptures to which we all subscribe.

1 Peter 1:22 talks about having unfeigned love for the brethren and Ephesians 4:15 asks me to speak the truth in love.  The Holy Spirit connected these verses to show me that until the love in my heart is unfeigned the truth spoken is as offensive as clanging brass – doing more harm than good, more dishonor than honor. If the intent is not pure then the noticeable absence of love becomes a stumbling block.  The reproof of truth will cut, not cure.  One word of correction from a heart filled with love is sweeter than all the world’s flattery.  Truth spoken in love prepares a heart for repentance.  Kindness is the tone of honor that coaxes a greater expression of Christ from each of us.

I want to live agreeable with who I am.  If Christ is my life then love is my highest form of self expression. I don’t want to bring correction to others because I think it’s what they need.  I want to speak truth because ‘love’ is who I am – with no expectation or demand for any particular reaction, response, or adjustment.   I simply want to be myself – submitted and subdued by love – and wholesome enough to leave the results up to Him.  I want to speak truth from an empathetic source that genuinely hurts when another hurts…not because the hurting human is offensive or inconvenient.

The Lord never leaves nor forsakes.  The flesh is present with its sin, rebellion, and carelessness yet it does not cause the Lord break fellowship with me.  Grace abounds and mercy triumphs.  Goodness is lavished and love continues to take the initiative toward me – the object of His affection. As I practice this same generosity it becomes impossible to withhold forgiveness from another.  Others need the same freedom that I need – that we might all attain full stature (Ephesians 4:13).  Every person is fighting a great battle.  Kindness is precious.

It is easy to show honor when I commit others into God’s care. It is easy to honor others when I realize God is in control. It is easy to show honor when I trust Christ in you.  It is easy to show honor when I look past the flesh.  It is easy to show honor when I believe we are equal and one in Christ.

Honor is revealed by the level of trust I extend toward you.  Honor breeds safety and fosters acceptance toward one another.  Honor opens the eyes to view the true ‘Christ heart’ of others.  Dishonor proceeds from the flesh and sees only flesh…missing the true view of who we are.   To show dishonor is to miss Christ – the one, only, and every reason we have to honor all men.  If I treat others as the representation of Christ even before they find Him or can see Him in themselves, then their discovery of Him is helped, not hindered.

Honor is armor and it disarms the enemy.  Dishonor is a form of unbelief.  The way I behave toward others will reveal my faith in union.  Do I believe that you are as Christ to me?  In looking at the flesh I refuse to see Him.  In so doing I dishonor myself, you, and the finished work of the cross…all because of unbelief.  Imperfect vessels are the habitation of His choosing and the place where His honor dwells! Honoring one another in the midst of frail human form is faith in action.

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Lay it Down

When beliefs are tested the ground can seem unstable. I trust these places with the Lord now, whether or not I fully comprehend the new landscape.  Sometimes, He removes ‘go betweens’ and, instead, positions me in His direct line of communication.  When He does, I know He is asking me to find my own answers apart from other voices.

I am free to name the prescribed beliefs that I have trouble swallowing. As I describe my symptoms to the Lord I am trusting His diagnosis. Contradictions, disagreements, and interpretive differences are not symptomatic of a fatal flaw or spiritual disease.  They may simply be a call for inner exploration.

He can form insights that are mine to contain and communicate as Christ in me. Subject matter and delivery styles may differ between us and another, but the validity of nuances will bear His seal. It is important that I learn to trust Him as He is in me regardless of if how He is in me is received by others. The perspective He is solidifying belongs to Him – not to me or to another.  It was here before I was born and will be here after I’m gone.

The message He ascribes in me is for me first before it is for others. In Luke 22:32 Jesus told Peter, “When you are converted, then strengthen your brethren.”  This has been a lonely season, but my loneliness belongs to Him first, before any other.  He maintains His right to comfort me. I am being with Him as He desires at this time so that, ultimately, it may benefit others.

I press the dark for all that He has for me and resist the craving for external agreements. I am offering Him everything I think about Him, the scope of His redemptive work, and relationship with Him.  It is an offering that only He can guard and keep.  His intent for me to live from His personal word to me is intense (1 Kings 13).

I’ve thought of Paul and how difficult it would be to do what he did. Paul said he did not receive the gospel that he preached from man nor was he taught it by a man.  He received it by revelation of Jesus Christ (Galatians 1:11,12).  Upon his conversion he did not confer with flesh and blood. He was privately tutored by the Lord for three years before meeting with Peter for fifteen days (Galatians 1:16-24).  After that, he preached his revelation of grace for another fourteen years before coming back to Jerusalem at which time he brought correction to certain apostles who were sliding back under the Law. When they perceived the grace that he was given, they gave him the right hand of fellowship (Galatians 2). Now that’s trusting the Lord with your education!

It feels like a battle to trust the Lord with my education.  Beliefs are easily dispensed in neat little boxes. Doctrine can feel like a judge that makes me afraid to think outside the box.  I fear being labeled an unteachable, unaccountable, out of order, off the mark, erroneous, and out of fellowship rogue! Phew!  That’s a mouthful!

In spite of the fear, I cannot deny that Jesus Christ is personally rekindling my love and hunger for the Word. As I study, my eyes find scriptures that confirm that my doubts and questions are reasonable even if they’ve gone unanswered.  Answers will not come through the reasoning involved in drawing conclusions or making logical judgments on the basis of other people’s conclusions rather than on the basis of direct observation.  The Lord is exercising His right to reveal Himself directly as He chooses.  There is an unfathomable kingdom being uncovered that has so very little to do with doctrine.

(I am not opposing doctrine or saying its not relevant. I am merely speaking for myself when I say that doctrine has strangled my childlike imagination and sense of adventure.  One side says this, the other says that – and they both back it up with plausible scripture.  Take into account that each verse must be kept in context, as well the need to understand the culture in which it was written, the audience for whom it was intended, the prevalent heresies of the day that were being addressed…and phew!…it’s no wonder I dutifully swallow spoon fed beliefs)!

The pure love of scripture and its revealing of Christ can easily become an exegesis.  I’m tired.  I just want to know Him, receive His life as my own, and to walk as He walks.  I want to express who He is in me without the need  to explain a doctrinal position.  I feel like I have no position; I’m not one to wade through the positional changes that have occurred throughout the centuries and yet I can no longer be told what to believe or how to interpret.  Betwixt, I lay it down in favor of simplicity and union with Christ that translates effectively in everyday living.

God will get me where He wants me to be and open my eyes to what He wants me to see.  I want to enjoy the journey and I can’t do that while qualifying my beliefs or struggling to understand one doctrinal position over another.  It’s blocking my view of Him.  I’d rather trust Him all around and inside and out.  If another disagrees with what comes out of my mouth (or pen) then I beg they pray for my understanding while praying for their own.

The Lord offered a solution once as I tried to explain how a relationship of mine experienced some improvement. What did I do to turn the tide? Did I start applying messages I’d heard on the subject? Did I make a concerted effort to be kinder, love without condition, to show more honor or respect? What caused the heart changes?

In considering questions posed, the answer remained the same…nothing.  I did nothing; the change of heart came as pure gift. At a pivotal point I heard these words,

“Susan, you can dig around and try to find what you did to produce stellar results, or you can humbly receive the gift I have given. Consider both options, decide which one brings greater peace and joy, and then rest your faith in that vein of living.”

I decided to view life as a gift I receive rather than something I can control. Encapsulated in trust, I saw my way to living free from the fear of Susan. The result was increased movement; I found the freedom to explore, speak, move, and to just be myself in the absence of fear.  That alone gave the new perspective cause for celebration!

I am revisiting the Lord’s offer to ‘rest my faith in that vein of living’ again regarding attempts to fit scripture into correct doctrinal pockets.  I’m back to simplicity, trusting that Christ in me offers gifts of insight as He is in me.

[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [ which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope] that if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].  Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward. So let those [of us] who are spiritually mature and full-grown have this mind and hold these convictions; and if in any respect you have a different attitude of mind, God will make that clear to you also. Only let us hold true to what we have already attained and walk and order our lives by that.

Philippians 3:10-16 (AMP)

As I view these words in the light of union they take on new meaning.  I am at rest knowing that He who began a good work in me is faithfully completing it!

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I Wait, but I Walk; I Walk, but I Wait

God is both the Author and the Finisher of my faith. He creates, and He maintains what He has created.  I am His and He provides for me. Even nature heralds the sweet dependency of waiting upon Him for all things.  As I wait, He increases and I decrease; therefore I continue to trust His instruction for me to wait for His “irresistible movement” within me. Waiting on Him is restoration in motion.  I feel most at home in the awareness that I am wholly dependent on Him; it is the necessity of my true being. Unceasing dependence upon Him is cleansing my faith and religious beliefs.  It is the raw expression of my relationship with Him in whom I live and move and have my being. I wait on Him and He awakens my whole attention as His servant and His vessel.

I am not waiting on myself to see what I feel or what changes will come to me.  I wait on God; first to know Who He is, and then to see what He will do. I only want to do those things that I see Him doing in me; as I wait in Him He purifies the view of His life in mine.  His word makes known His ways, His grace makes known His power.  I wait, and He ignites both within my heart.

I cannot keep His ways any more than I can manufacture grace.  To try is to strip my every confidence in Him. I am surrendered to willingly and trustingly keep His ways…but in the strength I receive as I wait in Him. I do not doubt that I am His without reserve.  He proves Himself to be my God as He works in me that which is pleasing in His sight through Christ.

I see His ways in His word, as nature unfolds, as His providence points them out, and as the Holy Spirit indicates.  But I know them as I wait in His presence. It matters not that I am weak, only that I am willing…and He takes care of that. He who has worked to will, will also work to do by His power.  My waiting is born in recognition of my impotence and His omnipotence. He is the only  true power there is.  I am content to receive from Him (each moment) the workings of His grace and life.  Waiting on God is my strength to run and not be weary, to walk and never faint.

I wait, but I walk. I walk, but I wait. If the fleshly mind takes hold it will misconstrue the motive. The flesh makes “action” the highest measure of man. Its emphasis assumes too much autonomy and will subtly separate doing from being. As a doer of the word (not a hearer only) I must remember that the word is spirit not flesh.  Acting on the word is a spiritual response.  It belongs to the spirit and when proceeding from the spirit it is true obedience.  If we act from our union with Christ – then action cannot be separated from Him. We obey, but with such overshadowing that the action is barely distinguishable as our own. It is Christ, behaving effortlessly and baring no resemblance to what we formerly called obedience.

Action and obedience occur. Some actions come quick, others take longer, but the effort is Christ’s. The hard part is the waiting. To embrace life as a receiver is uncomfortable;it is easy to be misjudged. A long season of waiting is at odds with an action-oriented society that is quick with labels like lazy, selfish, or passive. Mine is to stay the course, to receive life (instead of trying to make it happen) and to trust that every action eventually takes flight in union.  Then I will know that I am truly living, yet not I, but Christ is living in, by, through, for, and as me.

Continue ReadingI Wait, but I Walk; I Walk, but I Wait