Blog

I thank God for each eye-opening experience. There is darkness in the interior realm that only He can use! Until He brings the light, I remain in the dark about the cause or source of the disturbances I feel. Today, I glory in the paradox of being the cause of nothing… and of everything.

God is at work in me, of this I am certain. Nothing changes in me apart from Him. He is my awakening and my continued slumber. When I finally see what I could not see it feels like I could have seen it sooner…but I could not. Conditions (painful and other) create my preparedness to see, to let go, and to grow.

I see a profound connection between letting go and growing up. In a world that pushes for the right to be heard, disagreement easily becomes a common form of self-expression. It’s a snare to wrestle with a difference of interpretation regarding the interactions between us. It can feel like I don’t exist until differences are heard and acknowledged – but who I really am is safe without it.

Heeding the holy unction to “shhh…be quiet” is teaching me that the practice of going silent, letting go of judgment, and of the pain of my own narrow view, is the secret I’ve been looking for. Not one portion of my true person-hood needs to be right, understood, or agreed with. Going silent is the space that shows me that a hasty reaction to disagreement is the cause of most turmoil. Silence creates this beautiful room for growth and fosters the grace that allows others room to grow as well.

Each time I refuse to respond to mental blows with a blow of my own, another gets to see for themselves that the antagonist they deal with is also in their own flesh. Seeing the source of pain is the beginning of the end of it. There is nothing for me to do with pain but to let it be as “nothing” to me. When I refuse to enter the boxing ring I make a way for another to do the same. By taking myself out of the mix the cycle of antagonism is broken and I am free to face the paradox of being the cause of all and of nothing.

Union is irrevocable. Christ is the Author and Finisher of my faith; He’s at work in me causing me to both will and to work for His good pleasure. He does it all and I do nothing…until I am prepared for action…then it will seem as though I do it all. Choice, action, and change are all irresistible. They are the natural response to His inner work; each surfaces as the obvious next step to that which He’s been perfecting in me. I take the step…but His internal engineering makes the step too unavoidable to call it my own or to take the credit for taking it.