Going silent is now my favorite practice. The thought realm seems to emphasize quantity over quality and so my spiritual practice is to downsize. Mind chatter cheapens my soul and thwarts my quiet fellowship with the mind of Christ.
It is a spiritual risk but I’m challenging my own perceptions, opinions, interpretations, and even discernments (accurate or inaccurate, it doesn’t matter). I am again resisting the urge to be understood by others (including myself). If I feel misrepresented, misjudged, or like I’m on the receiving end of a sniper attack my practice is to go silent and to calmly escape the bullet.
I really have no need to defend, protect, or preserve my character with anyone anymore. Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. I desire peace and silencing my own mind is my objective. I will not voice complaints against objectionable behaviors or seeming betrayals…not even in my own head. What I will do is “work out” my own salvation with a trembling tenderness of conscience before the Lord.
It helps to keep in mind that my view is partial at best. What I see is part of the picture. Once I realize the view is limited I diffuse the urge to let the snapshot become a panoramic view. There are other pieces to the puzzle, other chapters yet to be written, and events yet to unfold. A reactionary life is exhausting. It is far more enjoyable to let the moment pass and to find the correct response a little farther down the road.
Knowing the way the mind works motivates me to keep letting go. Abandoning my self to the peace and joy of inner silence is making my life worth the living. I have no need to preserve a self-image. I really am free to be no one. In fact, nothing is more enticing to me. Silencing the need to be validated or affirmed by others also silences the need for the continuation of that validation. False needs are a bottomless pit.
So for today, my friends, forgive me if the voicing of any complaints has caused you unrest. At best, it weakened your respect for me. At worst, it weakened your respect for others. Let it all go, life is too short. Complaining is self interest that disturbs the peace of knowing and enjoying God as the all in all. After all, nothing gets to me that does not first pass through God.
This word in full, “Going Silent”, is a beautiful reminder of the uselessness, no less destructiveness of a complaining heart. In the wake of this discontent, oh my soul, your liberty is forever your longing but never your fulfillment! I make promises to myself and others. I fail miserably. but failure is like a chalkboard it is the canvas on which one creates. The board of life where
one learns and relearns by erasing the words, numbers, and images to start anew again and again. So I have left only to kneel and wait for the teacher anticipating His heart of gratitude and contentment.
Hey Doreen, life really is learning and relearning and unlearning…erasing the words, numbers, and images to start anew again and again. When the student is made ready the teacher appears. I love you, my friend. See you soon…