All is Only Good
For a long time I was afraid to explore my beliefs because I wasn’t sure how many of them were my own. My heart asked me to step outside of a box but I didn’t trust Christ as me enough to follow. I was scared to go alone and no one else seemed to have the same nagging questions as the ones my heart posed. How could they? Union with Christ forms an eternal monogamy and no one else can go to the inner chamber where Christ as me takes me. He forms a unique expression in me and that means we walk alone… together. Each person’s journey is an emergence into their true selves. For this reason, relationship with Christ is personal beyond degree.
Eventually, the familiar was denied stimulation and I was nudged away. With the distance came daring. I had to give myself permission to be potentially different from those I loved. Fear told me that if I were different I would no longer be liked. I would not fit in. It could be dangerous. What if God authored a different translation in me than He authored in those around me? What if my differences caused friction? What if I no longer fit the mold of who others perceived me to be? What would it cost me and what would it cost those who had relied on me? Fear used these taunting questions to keep me in a comfort zone…until faith removed the comfort and ushered me into the great unknown.
I’m here now, walking in the dark with the Holy Spirit. I “go silent” often. I release uncertainty, loneliness, and isolation often. I let go when I feel deprived of old identities, familiarities, and liberties…I let go often. But I am abandoned to the belief that I am His to orchestrate – His way, for His reasons. I don’t know why one has to leave the nest while others get to stay. But I know this…His love for me is the cause of His action. He has my best interest at heart. He does it for me, not against me. I have not been uprooted because of corruption but rather in-corruption. In trust of union I’m giving up the mistaken tones of distrust and despair – not only towards God, but toward myself and others. In Him all is only good.