October 2008 – Windmills in Moonlight

More Paradox

Post author:Susan
Post category:Paradox Union
Post comments:4 Comments

In co-union I find the poise of life—the balance between being broken and running wild; between lying down and running away; between being selfish and being selfless. Although, paradoxically speaking how can I be “self-less?” Christ did not come to replace self or to eradicate it. It is “self” that accurately bears the image of one deity or the other. On one side of paradox it is impossible to be selfless for God created me to be a self. He asks me to love my neighbor as my self. Therefore the self is to be loved, even as the neighbor is to be loved. Loving and affirming myself is right – being the best possible me (self) I can be is my grateful response to God. In doing so, Christ is glorified for it is then that His image is born again. Love needs a self to express from, toward, and through. Hence, Christ was born. Hence, I too was born. I ache for God, and yet it is God’s ache for me that sets the craving in motion. I ache to be me…this is His will at work in me.

Beguiled by Noise

Post author:Susan
Post category:Letting Go
Post comments:3 Comments

Confusion occurs when I am beguiled by the noise of the crowds, whether internal or external. I hear their chants and contrive it into some kind of a command. If I respond to self-imposed rigors then the whims of the flesh just keep changing the commands. For this reason I keep letting go, allowing Christ to purify my stream of thought. As the pool I draw from is purified, I find the commands are few and they are not in a continual state of flux. The commands conjured up by false and separated thinking change all the time and yes, they cause me momentary confusion. But I am anchored to Permanence and He returns me to simplicity time and again. I seek Him (in me, as me) and all these other things are added unto me (like a gift), not upon me (like a burden). In this season, simplicity is purity and purity is energy!

I am Led

Post author:Susan
Post category:Union
Post comments:2 Comments

I continually remind myself that I am not alone. I live knowing that I am guided even when I’m not aware of His leading. I am led out of the wilderness, out of turmoil, out of debt, confusion, complacency, out of the land of the non-living, out of indecision or insecurity, and out of fear or torment. I am led “out of” and I am led “in to.” I am led into the fullness of grace, peace, confidence, true movement and correct action, and into a good attitude of heart and mind.

Jerking, awkward movements are replaced with a steady stream of steps taken without hesitation. I am led away from base human reasoning and rationale. I am led away from limitation and into liberation. The knowing of the spirit is bigger than the soul’s ability to understand, and I am continually being led away from small-mindedness and closer to the expansive mind of Christ. God honors movement (faith). The steps I take are obvious for it is easy to recognize the craving of my own heart. I trust union, all is well… Christ is my ambition and true vocation.

I’m Back!

Post author:Susan
Post category:Letting Go
Post comments:7 Comments

Claudia said the road trip would be a God journey – about far more than the obvious. Was it ever! From my angle, it was a continued weaning from the false cry for identity, definition, and the labels I’d placed on myself. There was darkness, and in the end… sweet light that revealed God’s right to define me.

I often felt I was in a very dark cave. There by appointment, but uncomfortable none-the-less. The cave was painful. Unable to see, I stubbed my toe and hit my shin; but I couldn’t back up. I had to keep going knowing I might bump my head too.

Darkness tested the paradox between the unalienable right to be myself and the freedom to be nobody at all. The silence hurt my ears but I did not cover them. Shedding pretense was worth losing what I thought was so important. I faced flaws… deep, dark, spiritual flaws; the kinds that mar the character and mask true identity. I was pained until I saw that the obstacles I bumped in the dark were the things I was unwilling to see about myself.

I am back, but the journey continues. Humility severed the need for definition and revealed that I was never undefined. I am who He says I am; He calls me a writer. I belong to Him; He will prove Himself through me in the vein of His choosing.